June 25-26, 2013 – Almost 6 days had passed and I some how managed to “keep it together” without losing it. It was the night before my scheduled MRI, I was alone and had no one to go with me at 8am the next morning.
And then it happened — I had a major melt down. The fear and the uncertainty finally all caught up to me.
I could die.
What about Megan?
How am I going to handle this?
The meltdown lasted for well over an hour. It was horrible. I don’t remember ever crying like that before. It was so bad I couldn’t breathe.
I prayed as I cried and nothing. Not even a subtle amount of comfort. Nothing but me crying so long and hard and loud that I wondered if my neighbors could hear me. I finally sat in the shower and let the hot water run over me.
When it was all over, I remembered Psalm 112:7 “They do not fear bad news; They confidently trust the Lord to care for them.”
I slept like a baby.
The next morning I was nervous, but ok. I saw this beautiful rainbow right in my path, on the way to the diagnostic center in Delray Beach. Thank You, God! =)
Everything was fine until they had to put the IV in my hand. I just started sobbing. I apologized over and over. It was just all so overwhelming. He brought in a nurse to distract me by asking me all kinds of questions about work. I felt better. But then again, the xanax was probably kicking in too!
The MRI itself wasn’t too bad. I just didn’t like when they put the die or whatever into me. I could feel it in my hand. Ew.
Even though I had sworn off sugar (because it feeds cancer) I was offered an ice cold coke and you better believe, I took it. And it was damn good! =)
Envisioning Wellness – My Journey Back to Good 